7 Rules For Liberals

There's a real problem needs to be addressed regarding how Liberals interact with conservatives on the blogs. NEVER forget who you are. Say it often "liberal" but quietly so "they" won't hear you. Okay, here goes:

1). Never consider conservatives as your political "adversaries", they are your ENEMIES and must not be rewarded! Concede no ground to them. Seek them out wherever they blog. Infiltrate and harass constantly and remember this: we do not take prisoners. Always -- preemptively -- accuse your ENEMIES of doing exactly what you're doing or intend to do, it provides you with some immunity to their attacks.

2). You must learn to demonize your ENEMIES, paint them with broad brush strokes, being sure to cover the entire spectrum of conservative thought. Show no respect for conservatives, refer to them in gross generality as "Republicans", "Neocons", or just "Cons". Refer to them individually as Morons, Idiots, Insane, Dolts, Warmongers, Murderers... including variations to their screen names designed to disparage and offend. Do not be afraid of vulgarity, this is war and in attacking the ENEMY there's no time for civility. Use vulgarity and name calling to bait the ENEMY. Be arrogant and condescend in order to gain psychological command and control of the ENEMY!

3). Co-opt their good ideas -- the ones that actually work -- and repackage them as your own, make sure you treat every threadbare shopworn concept you come up with on your own or by plagiarism as though it's the newest thing under the sun. This is essential to convincing the sheep that we're the ones with the ideas to change the paradigm in DC (of course we'll do no such thing but we need to create that impression here).

4). Trash the Military and blame every war in the world on "Republican or Neocon" policies; again, be sure you apply the Warmonger, murderer and rapist label often. It doesn't hurt to throw the word "torture" around either. Complain about the expense of fighting and by all means refer to Michael Moore's admonition that there is no terrorist threat to our nation (this one drives them nuts!) Remember, the world hates America because of our Military interventions and our economic meddling beyond the borders of our own natrion.

5). ALWAYS inject Christianity when discussing issues of war or crime with conservatives or about conservatives. Dredge up names like Pat Robertson, Jimmy Swaggart, or the nut who went to prison in the 90's. Be sure that's the face you paint of Christianity, and be sure to equate Christianity with every war, every murder, every rape and terrorist attack EVER. AND ALWAYS Remember this: if you've seen one Christian, you've seen them all! NEVER forget that they, conservative Republicans, are "race-ists"!!! Say it again! "RACE-ISTS!!! Has a nice ring to it doesn't it? (btw - thanks Eric!)

6). Point out that there are flaws in the US Constitution especially where it concerns the actions of the three "dysfunctional" branches of government. Insist that the problem with the constitution is that everything the ENEMY does is patently UN-constitutional but allowed by the SCOTUS; Get the message out that liberals understand what constitutional is and what it is not. Tell 'em it's too arcane for the common conservative man, woman or child to grasp and that the framers could never have imagined the kind of world we live in today. Offer a solution such as a constitutional convention to rewrite or replace that document with one easily understandable and infinitely more precise.

7). Tie TEA Partiers into every horrific event in the "news" and when discussing the issues of the day with others, mention "TEA Party" in the same sentence with crime, terrorist plots, drug abuse, shootings or any nut-bar behavior. And don't forget to tie them into events like Columbine -- they hate that. And while you're at it, trash Ronald Reagan a few times a week,especially since that moron bstrd left us decades ago to become one of them!!! Forget ye not -- no quarter and no respect for Reagan, after all the lucky bastrd's dead! And beat 'em over the head with libs like Bush 41 and 43 and wanna-be McLiberalpublitarian (McCain).

FINALLY: Have no regrets about changing your political "appearance" from time to time! Say something like "I'm a libertarian" and/or "I voted for Ron Paul"... after all civil libertarianism is at the heart of progressive liberalism, sort of. It's definitely the freedom to reject the Christian's God and its basis as the founding of the country; the freedom to abort babies from 0 to 9 months before natural birth (we're still working on immediately after natural birth especially if they might be conservatives); the freedom to engage in all manner of drug use and perversion; the FREEDOM to choose whatever our free will leads us to. Now really, I ask you, ain't that America?