When the Capo di Tutti Capi Calls...

You're answering with your life!

(any similarity to people, places and events, real or imagined, is totally not intended - dudes)

The Following took place between 4p.m. and 5p.m. -- At various offices somewhere in D.C. In an effort to avoid devastating consequences to the economy, Don Obamleone sent his most senior aide, Rahm "the Fish" EmanU-haul, to the office of congressman Schtuppak to deliver an invitation;

Rahm to Congressman Schtuppak: "The administration would like to have a brief discussion with you regarding some family business. Don Obamleone has been very distressed that you might not share his enthusiasm for -- shall we say -- his "health" care legislation. There's a car waiting out front, your attendance is very strongly, recommended."

30 minutes later, upon arrival at "the House" Schtuppak is ushered into "the Office".

Rahm to Don Obamleone: "Don Obamleone this is our friend Mr. Schtuppak."

Don Obamleone: "Thank you for coming on such short notice, I am very grateful for this small honor, please, sit down".

Schtuppak: "You're most welcome Don Obamleone, the honor is all mine". Schtuppak takes a seat to the left of Rahm "the Fish"...

Don Obamleone: "As you know, I am attempting to make a marriage, to bring the families together that we might do a little business for the better health of the American people. My consigliere advises that I have, perhaps, not made my intentions to get this business done clear enough to certain young turks, such as yourself, who might benefit from knowing first hand the degree to which I am willing to negotiate'.

Schtuppak: "I believe I understand you sir".

Don Obamleone: "No I don't think that you do. But, in order that you should better understand how deep is my commitment, I've brought you here today. I've been told by Don Pelousi that your crew will respond favorably should we come to an understanding here".

Schtuppak: "But Don Obamleone, with all due respect, I have based my entire business on a trust by my constituents that I won't support the icing of unborn babies. How can I go back on my word to them and retain my office?"

Don Obamleone: "These are not matters I am concerned with, but..."

Rahm "the Fish" EmanU-haul interupts and speaks on behalf of the Don

Rahm to Schtuppak: Don Obamleone would be willing to provide you with a paper, an executive order stating that no babies will be iced with Federal funds or mandates. A very generous offer to give you cover with your constituents".

Schtuppak: "But Don Obamleone, they'll never buy that; an executive order isn't worth the paper it's written on, here today gone tomorrow. And besides it can't trump legislative enactments such as statutes so once your agenda is the law, it's the law."

Don Obamleone: "Let me say this to you another way. And I do not want that you should think I am threatening harm to you, but I'm a superstitious man. And if some unlucky accident should befall you or your family - If you should get randomly audited by the IRS, or if you should perhaps become entangled in a bed sheet and be hanged accidentally in your sleep - or if your wife were to be struck by an out of control golf cart while putting par for the course, then I'm personally going to blame the TEA parties for your misfortunes, and them I will never forgive. But, aside from that, let me say that I swear, on the souls of my grandchildren which are themselves not yet born, that I will not be the one to bring such disasters upon your house".

Schtuppak: "Thank you Don Obamleone, for making this clear to me. I see now that there are no provisions to ice unborn babies or mandate such practices. I'll hold a conference with our associates and let them know of our agreement".

Don Obamleone: "I can not express to you how deeply touched and grateful I am that you have understood my situation. My driver will return you to your office".

Schtuppak is escorted out of "the House".

Don Obamleone to Rahm: "Clock him, make sure he follows through. Call Don Pelousi, tell her to make sure there are earmarks for his district - that it looks as if he sold out at their end. Perhaps I should have shown him a view of the city from 10,000 feet as with that little twerp Dennis the Menace, where we carefully explained how long it takes for a man to hit the ground without the aid of a parachute".

Rahm: "I don't believe we'll have any further concerns with Mr. Schtuppak, let's order in, perhaps fish and chips?"

Don Obamleone: "Yes, tempura, jumbo prawns with malt vinegar, hot sauce and imported beer. Now where'd I put my cigarettes?"